Stochastic Ideations

On Monday, Kirk and I marked 30 years together. It seems hard to believe that I've spent more than half of my life with him. At this point we're pretty certain it isn't a short-term fling.

We had a party on Sunday to celebrate. We had hoped (and planned) to get married, officially, state (if not federal) sanctioned. We even had a reservation at the Hillside Club for the date. When the marriage option was eliminated we decided that we would still host a small event, although we canceled the Club and held the party at home.

The attendees were gay and straight, young and old, techies and artists, atheists, agnostics, Catholics, Protestants, and probably several other sects and religions (we didn't ask). As near as I can tell, no heterosexual marriages were harmed during the event. In fact, everyone seems to have enjoyed themselves.

There's a Tom Toles cartoon from some time back that has one guy saying to another "The trouble with you gay people ... is you're promiscuous ... lacking in commitment ... shunning middle class values. Why can't you be more like us?" The last frame shows the other responding "Actually, my partner and I want to get married" to which the first guy says "That's disgusting." Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Unless the California Supreme Court overturns Proposition 8 (unlikely, and perhaps not even advisable given the near certain backlash) then we'll just be waiting, patiently, for a change of heart by California voters. Some people are guessing 2010, but I think 2012 is more likely, since presidential elections tend to get more turnout by younger (and less socially conservative) voters. In the meantime, the latest anti-gay-marriage argument seems to be that gay marriage is bad for small business, since there will presumably be all those new married people insisting on things like health benefits for their partners. By that argument, the best thing we could do for small business would be to eliminate all spousal benefits entirely -- let them get their own health insurance! Come to think of it, kids are a drain on business as well.

For some reason I had the sudden urge to re-read A Modest Proposal. If only Jonathan Swift were still around....